My First Rap [Also My Contest Entry] I Need Honest Feedback PLEASE

I really would appreciate some feedback on my rap. Ive had mixed reviews so far, some saying its really good and others saying I'm off beat. My flow is sorta fucked up at some points haha. Again, any feedback would be greatly ppreciated.

wtf velco-shoes with your name on it? You're not going to win with them!

Chokey wrote:wtf velco-shoes with your name on it? You're not going to win with them!

oh no! i thought i was gonna win with them!! hahaha...

they're nike id's haha anyyyyway please rate the music not my shoes

flow: since it's your first rap ever it's okay but work with it. Try to do it faster. The beat was faster than you. I've never done my own rap but I write for myself and try to rap it very fast. It have helped me maybe it will help you too.
lyrics: You can do better
voice: Work with it try again and again to it sounds perfect.

You just need some practice cause I could hear that you sometimes did some great lines fast enough to stick with the beat.

Just try to impress yourself, record youself and judge it in 3rd person.
Trust me you can improve a lot. Not many rappers release their first track to the public lol..

I wouldn't advise you to try to rap fast. Keep it simple until you can actually hit the snare and have a good flow, then when you're good at it you'll try different things.

Fuck, you look just like this kid I don't like and it bothers me, lol.

society tells us to wear.. nike velcro shoes with adam on it..

i hate mac miller too.. ur dreamy