Perverted poltergeist terrorises granny

73 year old grandma, Doris Birch, of Herne Bay, claims she is being
haunted by a groping poltergeist as she tries to sleep. She says: “It’s
like an octopus groping me. I was lying in bed when I felt this creepy
pair of hands. I kicked frantically and it went away.”
I’ve tried sleeping without the
duvet. But it started shaking my mattress. I even threw the mattress off
the bed and bought a new one but it has made no difference. This is
very creepy and is giving me the jitters. It’s harassing me. I need to
call in the Ghostbusters.”

Worried about the disturbances Mrs Birch, who lives alone, consulted a
vicar who believes the disturbances are being caused by a ‘lost spirit.
However Methodist Minister Hugh-Nigel Sheehan of the nearby United
Church was unable to help. So now she is seeking the experts of local
husband-and-wife ghost hunting team to get rid of the perverted
poltergeist.

Spirit medium Ray Herne says he will draw the ghost into him while
his wife Beryl will capture it in a ‘vortex of light’ and send it to the
‘other side’.

Canterbury City Council’s Head of Housing, Larissa Laing, said: “The
council has a duty of care and will respond to any complaints or
concerns experienced by our tenants. Therefore even though we have
received no similar reports from residents living in Margaret Court I’m
more than happy to meet Doris Birch and discuss her situation.”
Source

Lol wtf?

How the fuck would she know what it feels like to be groped by an octopus?

Lmfao!